Know what I want?

More than anything I want him to be upset about this and to swear he'll do anything he can to be sure this never happens to our family again. But, after 21 years I know he won't do it. He may go ahead and get out of the military when he can, but it wont be for me, or for the boys, it will be for him, when he decides it's right. And he's not going to be upset, or sorry, or show his feelings at all. He's not ever going to apologize or feel like he has to make it up to me. He may love us, but he feels no need to justify his actions to us.