Happy New Year

Happy New Year honey, my clock says it's 2007 where you are. I don't want to stay up till midnight here and start a new year without you in my arms. It's just not the same. I still remember 1991 when I went to a party by myself and cried at midnight because I had no one to kiss. I just want this nightmare to be over. I'm glad we were friends first, because when you take away the physical and emotional companionship of a relationship there's not much of love left to hang on to. It's all faith from here on out. Nuthin but faith and memories.

Well, that's over

Got the holidays out of the way at least. Next is New Years and then, I guess, I can look forward to him coming home. We managed Christmas ok, he had trouble calling home because he didn't call the number I gave him, but it got solved and the kids at least did fine. Before that the kids and I survived a horrible wind storm, spening the night under the bed and w/o power for 5 days. The fire dept helped me get the generator started after 2 days but we were still friggin cold. And then this last weekend the neightbor showed up to clear the branches off the roof for me and we found this:



Thank god for great neighbors!! and fire chiefs :-)
I'd have never found the hole if they hadn't shown up, I just wasn't finding time to climb up there and throw branches off.

People Forget

People ask how he's doing, how he's holding up, but they forget to ask us how we're doing. It's hard for us at home too. He has this whole new reality, and while I don't understand how he can stop being a Spouse and Daddy to be a Soldier, thats what he has to do. Sure, we get to continue in our regular reality but it's cracked, unwhole, wrong. Life just goes on w/o us, we're just coasting, waiting to be able to participate again. I'm not a whinny, dependant wife who can't go on w/o her husband, more that he's been such a part of my life, and who I am, for such a long time that it's just not right w/o him. I don't know how he's holding up because he wants me to think it's all fine, ask me how I am, offer me a hug.