Soon??

He keeps saying "soon" and I just can't believe it. I'm so scared to mark any kind of date on the calender because if it doesn't happen I'm going to be heartbroken (and so are two little boys). He wants me to apply for a couples retreat in April and even though it sounds like a cool thing and I've filled out all the paperwork I haven't faxed it yet because I just can't get my hopes up. I'm just so scared of the letdown if he doesn't get to come home then. Life is difficult enough to manage right now.
Got a few new pictures of him, this is him with some sort of shell casing (I know, duh!). It just makes my heart ache more.

Better days

I don't know, it just feels better today, the year on the calender matches the year I expect him home and the days are finally getting longer again and I can actually see it happening. This weekend I celebrate 4 years of being cancer-free and alive, and things are going ok at work. My job amazes me with their ability to mold what I do and when to adapt to my life. They moved me into days working the front desk and two weeks ago offered me the Office Manager position. I still voice-track the late nights, and I'm still live on Sundays but dragging the children in with me in the evenings wasn't working and they saw that and came up with a way to help. This is me at the front desk.